There are no good single men around at the moment in New York City. It seems like that’s what everybody says to us. When Deanna* moved into the city late 2021, it was her turn to determine if there was any truth to this assertion. Recently single after her three-year boyfriend broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time that a private group on Facebook named Is You Dating the same Guy NYC was launched as a must-follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy prescreening process and community guidelines that served as a barrier to entry. It was more than 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested and so she enrolled.

The community

The group-which was established with the sole purpose of helping women check if their loved ones were seeing other people-was started in the month of March 2022. In fact, nearly every big US city currently has a similar forum, and the rules for all are simple: Everyone is allowed to post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or posting information that is sensitive, and under no circumstances can screenshots be deleted from the group. There is no bullies, no victim-blaming or hateful remarks. Never inform a man that he’s been added to the group.by link datingfortodaysman.com website Following the scandal incident of West Elm Caleb, one of the men with whom a lot of women in New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots online, it became apparent that lots of women were in the market for a way to suss out similar men to him. As one TikTok user was saying at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

This is essentially what the group had turned into as of the time Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common area for women seeking guidance on their romantic lives or offer warnings about men with whom they’ve had a bad relationship experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, the practice of sending out other women to tempt them on social media sites has also become very common. It’s all too easy to fall down a hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, stories of failed hookups, and memes about the difficulties of modern dating. Some of the most popular posts include photos of men who have his first name, asking whether anyone has met or had a relationship with the person in question. Red flag emojis are a common appearance on sporadic but alarming posts that warn of a former lover or a bad time typically accompanied by the downward arrow as well as the alarming text See comments for more info.

Dating online has taken over our choices in recent years alike to a study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their partner online. Therefore, it is only natural that the romantic element of romance will change in the digital age. Instead of chatting with group of friends over a drink, or discussing the issues with colleagues, we’re seeking the counsel of 43,000 women with similar – and in some cases almost identical experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie,* another group member. Not saying that there’sn’t some advantages that exist, but it was certainly beneficial for me to clarify my view of dating. It’s not about competing to other females, rather it is holding men to a different expectations than before.

It’s obvious to me, however, how some of the behaviour that’s encouraged and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be concerning if displayed by prospective suitors. Photos, details of private conversations, and screenshots posted without the other party’s consent or knowledge are a plethora of. People search social media profiles on a daily basis. And it’s not that difficult for a romantic date to be to be the center of attention. While Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she’s got a few reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I think you face the problem that it becomes an echo chamber of ‘Men have got us in trouble for so long, now we’re willing to give it back.

We continue to live in an era of patriarchy

Our society is still an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal, these online interactions will result in different effects based on the culture of each individual. However, can a group of this kind really offer an active source of empowerment on one side of the coin and indecent incel horror on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? The same guy is hyperlocal and social-only useful to people who live and meet in the area the group is located in. The women, as well as the guys they discuss could be your next-door neighbor your coworker, friend relatives, or even the most recently Hinge match. It’s the depersonalization that occurs when operating on the internet, which makes everything feel like a game. It’s not an unreasonable idea to say that this is a form of objectification for the participants in both of the groups. Especially when the details of private conversations, personal interactions as well as photos are shared without prior consent or knowledge, but often in the name of entertainment.